Dusk Till Dawn
by Akino Ame
Summary: A series of loosely interconnected shortfics on Kouichi before, during and after the series.
1. Dusk

When he looks back on the time he's spent in the Digital World, Kouichi realizes he's missed out on a lot. At least half of his time was spent as Cherubimon's puppet. Soon after he changed sides, he was dropped from battle in favor of Takuya and Kouji's new Hyper Spirit Evolution—he barely had the chance to get used to his new Spirits before they became obsolete. He didn't get the chance to fight the final battle against Lucemon because he'd been killed; the first time he'd actually fought Lucemon, he'd been taken out of battle, and this time it really could have been permanently. Even looking back into his days as Duskmon, he has to admit (no matter how much he hates to) that Mercuremon was right in saying that he didn't fight much. Back then, he hadn't been interested. It was only when he was starting to get restless and starting to see how utterly pathetic his brethren were that he fought.

But those really were his glory days. Kouichi hates to admit it, but on some level he really misses being Duskmon. He never had to prove to anyone (and especially not to himself) how strong he was. And whenever someone _did _question him, he could easily defeat anyone. Even Cherubimon appeared to be careful about him, especially when he first became Velgmon.

He doesn't have those luxuries now. Now, he's just an ordinary human still in recovery after a concussion and near-death experience. His chest hurts from hitting the floor in his fall and the doctors' attempts to revive him. He doesn't even want to talk about his head. When the others visit him, they treat him like he's going to break at any second. As time goes on, the immediate injuries fade but there are still scars. The first time he has a migraine, no one knows what to do. They ask him if he wants to sit things out so he doesn't trigger another one. But he doesn't. He doesn't want to have to sit on the sidelines anymore. He doesn't want to have any reason to doubt his own strength or let others doubt him. And some days, he just wants to get mad at them and tell them all this instead of just tolerantly answer, "No, I'll be fine. Don't worry." Some days, he really regrets his Spirits changed because he thinks he changed along with them, and not for the better.

**Standard disclaimer applies: I do not own _Digimon__ Frontier. _This drabble set is the result of a craving for fics about Kouichi and finding very few (that I hadn't read already) that emphasized his emotional strengths instead of putting him in situations that required another person to get him out of. These are all supposed to take place within the canon universe and are _not_ part of the "Yang-Yin" fanon.**


	2. Twilight

The worst part of being on the team for such a small amount of time is that Kouichi never had the chance to really bond with everyone. First, they were either suspicious or unsure of him, and at the time, he didn't blame them one bit. He couldn't see much beyond his self-loathing at the time, but he definitely saw that even though they said they didn't hate him or blame him or anything, Patamon was the only one who tried to befriend him. Patamon didn't interrogate him the way Kouji and Takuya did. Patamon actually tried to help him accept himself. And during that pivotal transition moment when he had to defy Cherubimon, he sometimes thinks it was Patamon more than it was Kouji who influenced his decision. Yes, Kouji's presence was a major factor, but Patamon had given him the hope in himself to be able to turn away from the dark.

Worse, when RhodoKnightmon explained the truth of his existence in the Digital World, Bokomon was the only one to talk to him about it. True, Bokomon, Neemon, and Patamon were the only witnesses to both of attacks that should have revealed his DigiCode but hadn't; but he still thinks that the others should have noticed it too. He knows that the only reason they knew there was _something _wrong with him was because Bokomon had to tell them, even if it was an edited version of the truth.

While he appreciates the help they were trying to give, he wishes they weren't so set on getting him to open up to Kouji. A lot of their attempts backfired in a way that only now can Kouichi see. In trying to encourage the brothers to interact more, they inadvertently alienated Kouichi. Rather than engaging him directly, they asked Kouji to speak with him. He couldn't go to Junpei or Izumi or Tomoki or Takuya for help—they pointed him in Kouji's direction, saying it was probably more _right_. They all forgot that even though they were working so hard to change that, Kouichi and Kouji were effectively strangers. Kouichi _should _have known just as much about the others as he did about Kouji, but he didn't. So when things came up that he had absolutely no way of telling Kouji about, he had absolutely no one else to turn to. And he is so glad that Bokomon of all people was the one to finally come over and ask him if he was going to be okay.

He doesn't hold it against them, but he wishes he was part of their inner circle. He doesn't want to feel like he's not one of them. He had Spirits just the same as they did and he fought Cherubimon and Lucemon just the same as they did. So maybe his experiences were a little (okay, a lot) different from theirs. It doesn't make him any less of a Legendary Warrior. And honestly, he's got stories they might want to hear. Sure, they can talk about the time they were all cooking and Kouji and Takuya gave each other food poisoning. Kouichi can tell them about the times he caught Ranamon pining over Mercuremon, only for her to realize that she had Duskmon for an audience. Even though Kouichi knows nothing about the cooking escapade and they don't know how far Ranamon's feelings for Mercuremon went (Kouichi isn't sure he knows either), but the stories are still good enough for them to laugh over despite it all. And _that's _all he wants, more than anything—to be part of this family. He just wonders if it'll be as hard to manage as fixing his blood family.


	3. Afterglow

After all was said and done, all he had was a name. That was it—just one word: nothing more and nothing less. Grandma was dead and could tell him no more. Mom couldn't be trusted, not after this. Kouichi was alone.

And what _good _was a single word anyway? Kouji. No surname attached to it, no address to where he lived. How could Kouichi even be sure that such a Kouji existed? The answer to that was just another question: Why would Grandma lie to him now, on her deathbed? But why had they lied to him to begin with?

First things first. He had to give Kouji more of a name. Obviously, his surname wouldn't be Kimura; Kouichi had been born with a different surname that changed when his parents got divorced—when _their _parents got divorced. And if he was going to do anything about this, he couldn't very well go up to someone and expect them to say, "Oh, Kouji, the boy who looks like you!" as if that answered everything. No, he had to find the answers himself.

He'd never been so happy that his mother's job was keeping her later than usual today. Now, he had the opportunity to search the apartment for information—photo albums, documents, or anything else that could verify this "Kouji" person's existence. He had a hard time finding it in the albums his mother kept; all of these dated back to when he was a toddler, nothing on his birth. He gave up on these albums rather quickly.

The only place left to check were his grandmother's albums, kept in a box in his mother's closet, but it felt wrong to go through them. Those were personal memories of a time long gone. But the person whose memories they were was gone now too, and hadn't it been wrong to keep this from Kouichi? He steeled his nerves and dug through the box, carefully checking the albums. There wasn't any chronological order to when the albums came from—the first was from when his mother was a teenager, and the next was his grandmother's wedding. While they were interesting to look through, he gently placed them aside. He felt time against him; for some reason, he knew he had to hurry to find this information, and it wasn't because his mother would be coming home within a few hours. Every tick of the clock was a second he had lost in his quest to find Kouji.

Finally, he found it. The album was meticulously put together, detailing his mother's pregnancy. The very first photo he saw was of his parents, and he stared at the unfamiliar man with a confusing mix of emotions. This was the first time he'd ever seen his father's face. Before any lucid thought could reach his brain, he flipped ahead a few pages. He stopped when he reached a copy of the family registry. He wasn't sure why it was in here, but he didn't care. His eyes fell immediately on the name listed under "head of household": Minamoto Kousei.

He whispered the name, feeling like a traitor as he did so. He'd heard the name before, of course, but in different contexts. It was a major name in history, of course, as one of the major clans back in the Heian period. Suddenly, two pointless thoughts hit him simultaneously: how had his mother felt when he learned about the Minamoto clan in school, and was the Minamoto family related to the old Minamoto clan? He forced those thoughts away and looked at the register again.

His name came first: Minamoto Kouichi (it was all too strange to see, and he vowed not to look again) and his date of birth. The very next name on the list was Minamoto Kouji and his date of birth—a date that matched Kouichi's exactly. He didn't know whether this was what he wanted to find or dreaded to find. All he knew now was that he felt physically ill. It was true. It was all true. The world as he knew it was completely shattered.

He put the albums away and returned to his room, knowing he had homework to get started on. As he wrote his name on the paper, he noticed for the first time how easy it would be to change his name and identity completely. One stroke was all it would take—one stroke to change the character corresponding to "ichi" to "ji," from "one" to "two," from Kouichi to Kouji. It was ironic; his grandmother had died from complications due to a stroke, and thus the homonym had also completely changed his identity. What was he going to do? He couldn't continue his life as it had been, knowing what he knew now. His previous life was a lie. But what was he supposed to do now?

He heard his mother enter and knew he needed to help start dinner, so he put his homework away and decided on a course of action. Tomorrow, he would head to the library and try to track down Minamoto Kouji, as well as Minamoto Kousei. It would be hard; who knew how many people went by those names? But he could at least narrow down the search until he could find Kouji, his _brother_—his _twin brother_—and figure out what to do from there.

But that would come after dinner and his attempt to pretend all was right with the world.


	4. Blue Hour

It was late, even for Mom. Kouichi sat on the roof of the apartment building, staring off into the distance. The sky was the deep blue color of late twilight, and the city lights were all on by now. Added to the fact that hardly anyone came to the roof after dawn, and it was the perfect place to think.

He sighed and looked at the worn notes in his hand. He'd found his brother's address how long ago? When had he started shadowing him? And yet he was no closer to the truth than he'd been that day in the hospital. He didn't know why he was so afraid to confront him. He'd been able to justify it in the beginning, make excuses, but his need to know persisted to bring him to that neighborhood day after day. He didn't know what he hated about himself more: his cowardice or his selfishness. He had to do something soon. Mom was looking terrible; he'd caught her crying one day, and she'd been acting generally robot-like lately—emotionless and automatic. Even if he couldn't do this for himself, he had to do it for her. He had to make things right.

He headed downstairs. Mom was probably home by now and would need help with dinner. Maybe afterwards, he would take the train to Kouji's ward. This time, he had to be sure he didn't back down.


	5. Nightfall

His grip slipped. The dark blast hit him. Merged with the light behind him. Imprisoned him. Tore his form apart and threatened to destroy him entirely. And he never felt better. He had enough time to give one last defiant gloat to Lucemon and make his goodbyes before the attack broke apart, breaking away his evolution.

Kouichi had less than a second before the Spirits separated from him, leaving behind his unstable form, but time was subjective when it came to these things. For a moment—an indefinable time—they were face-to-face. For so long, Kouichi had felt like the light had abandoned him, and now here he was giving up the darkness. He wanted to explain everything, that he wasn't trying to abandon his Spirit, that he wanted to stay and continue the fight with Löwemon, but there was no time for words. He had a feeling they'd be pointless anyway and that the Spirit already knew. After all, he'd probably had to do the same thing against Lucemon the first time. Was that what destiny really was, then? To simply repeat the past? In that moment, neither Kouichi nor the Spirit of Darkness believed so.

He had the chance to say goodbye to Kouji, to say the words he'd always meant to say but never managed to, words he'd probably begun searching for the moment his grandmother told him of Kouji's existence. And then there was nothing—no darkness, no light. He could feel, think, and do nothing. He simply did not exist anymore. Time meant nothing to him, as there was no one for it to mean anything to. So when he regained awareness some time later, it didn't matter when he was. He simply was. There was something like darkness, something connected to him. And there was something different, something trying to make him _be _again.

His eyes took a moment to adjust to the bright hospital lights, and he should have felt exposed and weak beneath them. But the sight of his brother drove all that away, and he realized he could never be abandoned by the light, no more than he could be abandoned by the dark.


	6. Daybreak

Really, staying in the hospital overnight wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. Though Kouichi was sure he was going to have a lifelong hatred of hospitals after these past two experiences, the staff went out of their way to make it easy for him. When he had to go into MRI after coming out of the trauma unit, the technicians explained how it worked and showed him and his mother his brain scans, pointing out what they were looking for and what different levels of activity meant before saying that everything looked great. It was a little less comprehensive when they checked his heart, but the technicians there joked around with him, acting generally lighthearted (excuse the pun) about his waking up from apparent death.

His roommate in the children's ward was talkative and friendly, but ultimately, Kouichi didn't wind up talking to him a lot. The boy did enough talking for the both of them. He was discharged in the morning.

The day after wasn't all that bad. Mom took her lunch break with him, and they ate in the cafeteria. The others showed up after school, except Tomoki, who couldn't get his parents or brother to take him. Takuya brought a slice of his brother's birthday cake from the night before, and Izumi brought a meal she'd made herself. Junpei brought him a deck of cards so he wouldn't be bored. It helped a lot. Kouji stopped by for a minute—and only a minute—to say hello and give him a card, on which he'd written his cell phone number. That helped even more.

The rest of the day was fairly boring, with only a few more tests and conversation with the doctors and nurses. One nurse grinned and said that he'd better watch out because he was turning the entire medical community upside down with every breath he took. Another told him to avoid the stairs from now on—that's what elevators were there for, anyway. The doctor who'd performed defibrillation on him told him that he might be sore for a while from the electrical burns the defibrillator gave him—all business at first. But then he sighed and confessed he couldn't believe that any of this had happened.

"As doctors, we have to accept early on that we can't save everyone," he said. "And it's worse when it's kids who we lose, people who are supposed to have a long and healthy life ahead of them. Your heart stopped and you stopped breathing. When I couldn't get it to start again, I thought that was it. But whatever happened, it doesn't matter. You came back. You had a stronger will than even most adults, and even most doctors. So make sure you make the most of this second chance you've got."

Kouichi promised immediately. After all, it was a good day to be alive.


	7. Dawn

The Trailmon stopped at the Forest Terminal, and even though nobody was supposed to know about the former Legendary Warriors' reunion tour of the Digital World, they were still accosted all the same by loving fans. Kouichi was happy to see that the legends had been kind to him (how could they not? Bokomon wrote them, and was certain to treat him with the same adoring respect he had for the others, all the while keeping his secrets), and several Digimon came up to him, asking all sorts of questions—could he really use Darkness for good? What was it like being evil? Was he scared facing down Lucemon and Cherubimon? Why did he look like the Warrior of Light, and what did it mean when they mean when they said they were twins? What was a twin? Oh, then why didn't you know each other before you came to the Digital World?

Hearing the uncomfortable questions, the others quickly diverted their attention with some stories, giving Kouichi the chance to quietly slip away. While it was nice to be treated like that and he didn't feel as much pain about the past, some old wounds never quite healed. In particular, the feeling that he'd never contributed enough to the team was still a pretty strong one after all this time.

An argument among four Digimon caught his attention, and he was about to break it up when he listened carefully. Something about the way they treated each other sounded very familiar. He watched the haughty way the Otamamon held herself and how PawnChessmon seemed to be the leader of the gang, leaving Goblimon and Mushmon as the unsuspecting lackeys.

_Is it them?_ he wondered.

He walked closer, and the Digimon finally took note of his presence. Already, it looked like PawnChessmon had made up his mind not to like him, which actually amused Kouichi a bit. Last time, it had taken a full day to get that kind of reaction. He felt guilty looking at Mushmon, who didn't seem to recognize him at all—he wasn't sure whether or not that was comforting.

"What do you want?" Otamamon finally asked.

Leaning in close to her, he whispered, "Do you still have that crush on PawnChessmon?" The mortified look on her face said it all. "Don't worry; I never told."

They stared at him in confusion—and in Otamamon's case, horror—as he walked back to his friends.

"Something wrong?" Kouji asked.

"No," he answered with a smile. "Just saying hello to some old friends."

The others gave him the same confused looks, unaware that he'd had any friends in the Digital World, but he just kept smiling and went back to answering questions from the gathered Digimon. True, it was a bit of a fib—he'd never once been close to the other evil Legendary Warriors—but maybe it could change. After all, they weren't the only ones who'd been given a second chance.


End file.
